I know it sounds a bit masochistic but I find breakups interesting from a social and emotional standpoint. And after all, this blog and my sugar life were originally started as a self reflection and social experiment of sorts. It took a twisted turn at some point but my good intentions were there…
Anyhow, whenever I break up with someone it feels very contemplative. In most cases there was a plan B already in place. In some cases (the most interesting ones) there wasn’t. I remember when Serena walked out after giving me a quick kiss. That sucked and I admit it made me depressed. I liked her a lot. And now she is like 34 and married with a home pet. I remember going down to one of my favorite bars in Greenwich Village on 4th street (the Slaughtered Lamb, and no I am not a paid sponsor unfortunately) and taking my place in the corner at the counter with my Financial Times in hand and sipping a little scotch, quietly. As much as I like to think I am smug, that hurt. What also hurt was the fact I was a bit selfish, ‘a taker more than a giver’ as she said. I was offended to hear that. Of course I was married and she was also seeing a lawyer and then a professor in his late 50s (I used to call him gramps) but I was in pain for a few days. And I thought to myself: was I being self destructive ? I mean what did I really expect from these women. Fun, for sure, and in most cases no entanglements. But being human, stuff happened and sometimes they spin out of control. I played with fire and lost. One time, I went back to someone (a few months after the first break up). She seemed hurt when she asked me “Why did you stop seeing me?” I didn’t have a good answer. What could I possibly say? She had done nothing wrong, quite the opposite she was very sweet and bubbly. I guess I just had ADHD and had to move on, always in search of something while missing what was right in front of me. And the pattern repeated itself a few times. Which meant, of course, more trips to 4th street. I found myself feeling isolated like a stranger among other strangers just waking around and noticing all the little details one never noticed before in their usual busy daily lives. Like the stoop on a brownstone and who was sitting on it. Or an architectural feature of an old interesting building. Or a mother carrying a baby.
And true to form I had a first date with an Asian the next day, lol
Sometimes I really wish I was a one woman kind of man. Alas, it wasn’t meant to be, and I found that out at age 18 I thnk that if I had been a bit more patient I would have experienced better relationships with some nice ladies
I can’t believe it. I was reading a famous steak restaurant review. One of the reviews was describing the people who go there as: “business people talking about deals or older men with hot younger women”! So, sugar had made its way even to restaurant reviews in New York. Go figure
We went out with some friends from work, only this time the marketing people came out with us. And guess what. They brought them loose girls with them (and cocaine I am sure but that’s another story) How do you think they seal deals? I am sure at critical times they offer up these ladies to horny clients. Anyways we all but some bars near work and a good time was had by all. I was talking to some of the ladies that came with us,and our attention was focused on the waitress rear end and body type. In other words, we (men as well as women) were drooling over her. She wasn’t impressive just very proportional with a very nicely shaped butt. As a gag, I offered to talk to this lady and tell her that one of the girls with us wants her phone number. An interesting discussion ensued when my companions thought she was pretty but standoff-ish and thought she would get offended if the ladies started hitting on her. To boot, she would think were a freak show given the variety of age groups and backgrounds in our party. I have to add: I was feeling attracted to a 21 year old…I swore I would not go that young. But I was attracted. Nothing happened, but I was a bit smitten when she started asking me to take her to concerts or restaurants etc. The old David would have jumped at the chance and had sex already before this blog was written. The David of today just think it’s a bit creepy to see someone who is 20 or 21..
So here was this lady again telling me about all the great dates and high profile individuals she was hanging out with and being introduced to. She used to work in a highly social type of service business where it’s relatively easy to come in contact with celebrities or very rich people. I was happy for her. Ever since she was younger she always wanted to be in the company of clean cut businessmen with tailored suits. I was wandering what she was doing with me then. On the trading floor we are a bit more scrappy and not as nicely dressed as the sales or marketing people, or the lawyers. But she kept saying “my feelings for you are different than those I have for other people. I love you. Them, I just like them a lot and am attracted to their success”. I thought that was an odd thing to say. And then there were all those times where she would text me out of the blue and invite me out, and after dinner end up hitting me up for cash or gifts, even though we had no relationship or arrangement at the time. I helped her anyways as I tend to be a compassionate soul. But after a few times of that it started feeling a bit old.
One evening she started complaining about the fact she thought she was a one night stand and all those celebrities don’t want to hang out with her more than a couple of times etc etc. I was like, they are twice your age what do you expect them to do? Marry you? And then I realized that she was using me just as her fall back plan. I was her consolation prize. When she couldn’t fuck a famous actor or lawyer she would call up a trader (ie David) from the bank to fuck around with. Flattering? Not at all. I was never anyone’s consolation prize and wasn’t about to start being one now. So I told her that she is wasting both our times. I cut the evening short, and just went home after a quick bite and fed my dog Winston. Blocked her from all social media and that was that.
Something happened to me today on the way home. I went out for a quick dinner because I had missed someone’s company and wanted to cheer her up. During that conversation and what was said it donned on me better late than never: That person had moved on a long time ago and I have been wasting my time (and money as well!). She was looking at her phone and I was looking at mine, and she didn’t even engage. Clearly her mind was on other people and she was there for just for the free dinner. I was starting to feel a bit funny and awkward..I also realized it’s been a long time since I had some real fun, like I used to, and like I have described in my book ‘Sugar Daddy Diary’. The type of full body fun that makes your senses alert, like a cat in the night. Instead I was there with someone who would rather be somewhere else with her newest sugar daddy. At least the homemade spaghetti was good.
So I am seriously considering to get back on the saddle again at least for a short while. And while I think about it, if there are any visitors in the NY area who want a SD for a weekend, give me a call and I will even autograph your copy of my book. One never knows. Now it would be nice if my favorite person from San Antonio ever visited but that might be a long shot, Squito.
The BBC is making a documentary exploring the world of sugar dating and we are keen to speak to Sugar Daddies to hear their perspective.