I have a pet peeve (one of several ..). They say that men are visual creatures but I would push back on that. Women are just as visual and that can be proven just by the amount of times I have been asked for pictures via email or contacts from the various sugar sites, when I was active. “Can you send me a pic?” was one of the first things I was asked. So, it’s it just men that are visual. All humans are visual. I personally don’t care too much about pictures since I believe in personal contact. A picture is only two dimensional and doesn’t tell me anything about how someone carries themselves. It just shows how tall or short or skinny they are, or what color their hair is. But I don’t really care about those things too much. So you can understand why I used to get a bit insulted after one or two ladies blocked me after I had texted them a “discreet” picture with parts of me blurred out. And that was after we were having some great online conversations already. Why can’t people understand that someone who has a career or family may not want to step into the light ?
I have searched far and wide during my travels and adventures. Why is it so difficult to find a woman who can do this the right way ? I only met two in my whole life and I have found that most can’t even be taught. Something about timing, momentum etc
I blogged about this before a while back , but today this came back to mind as I was walking around midtown (my cardio exercise).
It happened right after I came back to New York from down South. I had only been here a month when I got a call from Tina my old friend from Katy, Texas. She was in NYC on her way to a family function in Maine. She had brought along her 6 year old son who proceeded to jump on me and being a cute playful little kid, as if I was his own father. And then we all went for a quick bite and everyone would treat us like a family. It felt awkward to me. And the awkwardness only went away when Tina asked me to get on my knees so I can fuck her doggy (her son was at another relatives room during that time). Interesting, no?
I hate to be a flake but…here was the deal. I had met this lady in her late twenties, very attractive in the pictures she sent. Also attractive in person but less glam. But that’s ok I don’t really care about glamour. So she was nice attractive sweet with curves etc. The “gifts” she wanted were also reasonable. A perfect SB you might say. However, since the first minute we sat down for drinks I couldn’t see myself in bed with her. She did nothing wrong..she was attractive with a cute butt (I am a butt man more than a boobs man). But yet..I couldn’t do it. All I could think about is how would I be in bed with her, what would I do, would I even maintain a hard on? Would I even be aroused? Just because someone is nice to look at doesn’t mean much I guess.
Contrast this person to a Brazilian I met who exudes sexuality just sitting at a Starbucks with her. Alas we didn’t agree on the arrangement..
So anyways, an hour before the second date I cancelled. Darn it, I hate when I start having second thoughts about stuff. A brain can be a dangerous thing
You know when you first meet someone and the chemistry is great and then you try to set up a second meeting and they drop the ball? (Not responding on time, or feeling prudish right after sexting etc etc, silly stuff).
In that case interest goes down as fast as a rock. As attractive as they are, there are just too many others out there who are attractive in their own way, and can make up for the lost opportunity
I know it sounds a bit masochistic but I find breakups interesting from a social and emotional standpoint. And after all, this blog and my sugar life were originally started as a self reflection and social experiment of sorts. It took a twisted turn at some point but my good intentions were there…
Anyhow, whenever I break up with someone it feels very contemplative. In most cases there was a plan B already in place. In some cases (the most interesting ones) there wasn’t. I remember when Serena walked out after giving me a quick kiss. That sucked and I admit it made me depressed. I liked her a lot. And now she is like 34 and married with a home pet. I remember going down to one of my favorite bars in Greenwich Village on 4th street (the Slaughtered Lamb, and no I am not a paid sponsor unfortunately) and taking my place in the corner at the counter with my Financial Times in hand and sipping a little scotch, quietly. As much as I like to think I am smug, that hurt. What also hurt was the fact I was a bit selfish, ‘a taker more than a giver’ as she said. I was offended to hear that. Of course I was married and she was also seeing a lawyer and then a professor in his late 50s (I used to call him gramps) but I was in pain for a few days. And I thought to myself: was I being self destructive ? I mean what did I really expect from these women. Fun, for sure, and in most cases no entanglements. But being human, stuff happened and sometimes they spin out of control. I played with fire and lost. One time, I went back to someone (a few months after the first break up). She seemed hurt when she asked me “Why did you stop seeing me?” I didn’t have a good answer. What could I possibly say? She had done nothing wrong, quite the opposite she was very sweet and bubbly. I guess I just had ADHD and had to move on, always in search of something while missing what was right in front of me. And the pattern repeated itself a few times. Which meant, of course, more trips to 4th street. I found myself feeling isolated like a stranger among other strangers just waking around and noticing all the little details one never noticed before in their usual busy daily lives. Like the stoop on a brownstone and who was sitting on it. Or an architectural feature of an old interesting building. Or a mother carrying a baby.
And true to form I had a first date with an Asian the next day, lol
Sometimes I really wish I was a one woman kind of man. Alas, it wasn’t meant to be, and I found that out at age 18 I thnk that if I had been a bit more patient I would have experienced better relationships with some nice ladies