Positively fourth street ?

I know it sounds a bit masochistic but I find breakups interesting from a social and emotional standpoint. And after all, this blog and my sugar life were originally started as a self reflection and social experiment of sorts. It took a twisted turn at some point but my good intentions were there…

Anyhow, whenever I break up with someone it feels very contemplative. In most cases there was a plan B already in place. In some cases (the most interesting ones) there wasn’t. I remember when Serena walked out after giving me a quick kiss. That sucked and I admit it made me depressed. I liked her a lot.  And now she is like 34 and married with a home pet. I remember going down to one of my favorite bars in Greenwich Village on 4th street (the Slaughtered Lamb, and no I am not a paid sponsor unfortunately) and taking my place in the corner at the counter with my Financial Times in hand and sipping a little scotch, quietly. As much as I like to think I am smug, that hurt. What also hurt was the fact I was a bit selfish, ‘a taker more than a giver’ as she said. I was offended to hear that. Of course I was married and she was also seeing a lawyer and then a professor in his late 50s (I used to call him gramps) but I was in pain for a few days. And I thought to myself: was I being self destructive ? I mean what did I really expect from these women. Fun, for sure, and in most cases no entanglements. But being human, stuff happened and sometimes they spin out of control. I played with fire and lost. One time, I went back to someone (a few months after the first break up). She seemed hurt when she asked me “Why did you stop seeing me?” I didn’t have a good answer. What could I possibly say? She had done nothing wrong, quite the opposite she was very sweet and bubbly. I guess I just had ADHD and had to move on, always in search of something while missing what was right in front of me. And the pattern repeated itself a few times. Which meant, of course, more trips to 4th street. I found myself feeling isolated like a stranger among other strangers just waking around and noticing all the little details one never noticed before in their usual busy daily lives. Like the stoop on a brownstone and who was sitting on it. Or an architectural feature of an old interesting building. Or a mother carrying a baby.

And true to form I had a first date with an Asian the next day, lol

Sometimes I really wish I was a one woman kind of man. Alas, it wasn’t meant to be, and I found that out at age 18 :(   I thnk that if I had been a bit more patient I would have experienced better relationships with some nice  ladies

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One Response to Positively fourth street ?

  1. Angry Gamer says:

    I have often thought about having patience in my Sugar and Vanilla relationships.

    But much like Books there is a beginning a Midpoint and an End. The only thing that appears to work is making a long story be a bunch of mini stories. Mini breakups, mini reconciliations you can never break the wheel I think.

    Right now I am spoiled for opportunity. I have two vanilla relationships and 3 sugar relationships working. I have never been more busy or more casual in my female interactions.

    Why are women opposite land? Why is it that the very things we were taught to do for women not the things that please them. Why is it that “can’t see you” drives interest and desire? But nice fawning notes and romantic gestures do not?

    Why is it the girl I have intermittently blown off messages me more earnestly with more provocative pictures.

    Perhaps this is the key to the mystery. If a man is offered a woman’s favors and does not take her up on it… is that not a mini break up? Does that not strike at the core of feminine power?

    Perhaps that is the key, seduce gain access to a woman’s favors and instead of proceeding to reap those favors… don’t. Extend the chase but make her chase.

    Shrug. All I know is if a woman dared to tell me she had other lovers I would drop her immediately. With stunning women it’s a given that someone is warming their bed. But they should not be so comfortable and assured of my interest to speak of such men.

    For women comfort is the death of desire. If a woman tells me about another man she IS telling me she is ok with me not being in her life. It’s only a matter of time til she exits stage left and makes it official.

    This is why I laugh at Sugar babies informing me in advance of a BF or even husband. And then telling me “but it’s ok they approve of me fucking other men”. It is to laugh. They are again telling a potential daddy in advance they can drop said daddy at any time. They are comfortable with any daddy they arrange with of that pre informed dumping.

    I like women telling the the opposite. I like them telling me they are getting over a bad multiyear breakup. That they have not had sex in quite awhile. THAT tells me the opposite of “married but want to be an SB”.

    I want women to be completely into me or I’m not interested.

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