The sugar daddy who felt like a sucker

I received an email from a reader of my book who recounted a recent experience of his. Here is the jist of what he said, I am summarizing his email, with his permission:

“Hey Dave, great book, great stories, and it got me thinking about my situation. I met this new lady through a sugar website and we went on a couple of dates which were a lot of fun and we hit it off right away. She then brought up the allowance so we started talking about that and it seemed like we were nearing an agreement. At one point during the discussion it became obvious she was seeing several other men. I didn’t really care because ours was not a serious relationship. But then she told me that she met them through tinder and okcupid. Which means that these other men were having her for free, and here I am having to give an allowance each month and each date? What am I? A sucker? I feel like a driver who is going to park his car and having to pay the parking lot attendant, whereas other drivers get into the parking lot for free. Are my feelings justified? What say you?”

That was his question, and he kind of stumped me, I didn’t know how to respond. One could argue that since they met through a sugar site, then the allowance is par for the course. He understood that and he didn’t complain about the actual allowance itself.  He just thought it was an irony that he had to pay up vs. other NSA dudes who didn’t. So, I sympathized and advised him not to enter an arrangement with this individual, since was having second thoughts anyway, even though they hit it off.

While reading his email, this reminded me of someone that I used to know. For a while there she was asking me to help her out with some health insurance and other small costs such as transportation etc, which I did.  She was then telling me she had one night stands with some other individuals (not sugar daddies). So I admit I felt a bit dumb. Maybe that feeling was like the case of this other guy who sent me this email

So now I wonder what other guys reading this blog think about this


This entry was posted in Dating, mutually beneficial relationships, No strings attached relationships, NSA and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to The sugar daddy who felt like a sucker

  1. In 2009, I began a three year arrangement with a woman who would occasionally engage in random hookups on the side during the first few months of our relationship. It kind of turned me on, actually, that she was kind of a slut, and since we were always using condoms and getting tested, I felt safe. A year in, she met the man who eventually became her husband this year. We’d turned the corner in our relationship and had become friends and lovers by that point, so I was then her relationship mentor. It depends on your perspective. If your writer wants to boil it down to dollars spent, then he’s missing out on the quality of the relationship.

  2. MidwestSD says:

    Isn’t’ that something a sugar daddy has to accept? It’s always in the back of my head that my sugar baby might bang someone her own age and also that she will eventually leave me for someone her own age if nothing else separates us.

    • It certainly is something that SDs should accept, after all it is all NSA. But I still advised the person who emailed me not to enter an arrangement with her, as he seemed to have second thoughts. i.e. not the best of starts for an arrangement

  3. MidwestSD says:

    This thought isn’t directly related, but it is another situation where a SD might feel like a sucker. In all of my (3) arrangements over a span of 2 years, I have given random gifts above and beyond what I originally agreed to without asking for anything in return. These gifts ranged from flowers to a trip to Paris. However, I don’t feel I have ever received a random “gift” from a SB. Should a SD expect more symmetry in the give and receive game or is that something that should be left to traditional relationships?

    • Good question. I don’t think we should expect any symmetry in this, after all we are the ones with more money. That been said, the only symmetry we can realistically expect is for those extra gifts to be appreciated for what they are. Special treats and not entitlements of an kind. If one becomes entitled, then the ‘mutually beneficial’ balance becomes disrupted

      • MidwestSD says:

        By “gifts” in quotes I was not referring to gifts that needed be purchased, but rather gifts like extra dates, extra time, sexual favors, etc.

  4. MidwestSD says:

    Another related thought… I have an ex-SB that I saw for 11 months. She ended the deal when she found a boyfriend, but we parted on good terms. We stay in touch electronically and have a playful and often flirtatious relationship. Every now and then she asks me for money and I politely decline. I find these requests annoying, but I excuse the behavior each time. Have you experienced this and if so how did you handle it?

    • MidwestSD says:

      I should note that this behavior has been ongoing for 12 months. I would like us to remain friends but she seems unwilling to give up the sugar. Once sugar always sugar?

  5. sugarbaby says:

    “Which means that these other men were having her for free”- he’s making an assumption. Just because the girl met the other men on tinder or okc does not mean they are banging her for free- sugarbabies find sugardaddies on multiple websites and in real life.

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