This time, will be the last time

Some readers might recall my previous post ‘Last time?’ where I recounted a night time meeting at a park with someone I had a very long and tumultuous relationship with. I will pick up where I left.  She asked me ‘Do you love me?’. I just smiled a bit and looked back at her without saying anything. In my mind it was over and I had told her many times over the past year. I just couldn’t understand why she kept it up for so long. I asked her.  ‘Because I love you’ was the answer.  Never in a million years did I think that this would continue for as long as it did, especially after trying to explain to her many times where things stood. I think she got the message then. I offered to get her a taxi as it was getting late. She asked me to ride with her for a few city blocks but at that point I just wanted to walk around a bit and then go home.

After that we met 2 more times.  We texted each other for sex, is more like it, to be honest. Not sure why we did this, but I guess when someone wants sex they just go after it.  The very last time we met she gave me this strange look while sitting at the edge of the bed and said, right before we started, ‘It will be $XXX’. I was a bit stunned and asked if she was serious. She replied yes, she quoted her price once again and then said ‘Just fuck me’ and she presented me with her beautiful round butt.  At that point I was a bit pissed and smacked her 4 times. I knew she liked to be smacked but the last smack was over the top.  She pushed me off the bed. I went back on and sat next to her, giving her a hug and saying ‘After all we have been through, I can’t just fuck you. It would be wrong’.  I still have a conscience. I figured she was upset about something  and that was why her behavior was strange on that day. I asked her about that and suddenly she started crying.  She explained that she was going through  a lot in her personal life and didn’t want to talk about it. I pressed her a bit on it though, because I couldn’t bear seeing her like that.  She had some long standing self image issues, which I have no idea why as I always thought she was pretty.  And I think I have mentioned her incredible butt in the past… ‘Am I really a one date kind of girl? I hate my personality. Why did you stay with me for so long?’.  Once she started asking all this I realized we had a lot of work ahead of us, so to speak.

‘First off, I said, you are not a one date girl. But you have to realize that these guys you are trying to date, aged 40+, are mostly married with kids and careers. Most of them are not looking for entanglements with 22 year old girls. They don’t want to, and they can’t afford to get attached to anyone. They just want a bit of casual fun and then move on to the next one. So that’s why your most recent ‘friend’ took off.  He fucked you on Thursday and might have something else set up for the following Monday with someone else.  And then, he might even call you up to meet in another 6 months. That’s just how it is and there is nothing you can do or say to change it. It will be a long while before you find someone who will be exactly what you want.  It’s all in the timing’.

‘I was never happy with you’ she said.  ‘WTF? Then why didn’t you let me just leave when I wanted to? Why continue this charade?’ I rolled my eyes as she didn’t have a good answer to that.  Anyway, back to our little talk:

‘Now let me ask you this: I know you have money pressures. Are you escorting?’. She assured me that no so I left it at that. Two orgasms later we left the place.  On the way to the train, she pulled me aside and said

‘Hey come here I want to tell you something’

‘Yes?’

‘I don’t think we should see each other anymore’

‘Oh I agree, we won’t’  I replied and she gave me a bit of a surprised look. Not sure why she was surprised after I been telling her we should just stop talking, many months ago.

‘I still love you but I don’t want anyone to see me in this condition. I may do something stupid’

I asked her ‘It’s fine but let me ask: did you start seeing someone? It makes no difference to me, you can tell me now. Or did someone dump you and that’s why you are now so depressed?’

‘Nothing of the sort. I just don’t want anything right now’

‘Ok bye’

And with that she walked down to the train and vanished.  Forever? Who knows. But like they say, in like a lion out like a lamb. At this point I am not sure I care. I just wish she had listened to me a year ago when I suggested we end this. Instead she wasted her time. Anything past its expiration date turns bad: milk, as well as relationships.

One thing I do know. Behind those deep brown eyes there is a lot of things going on she needs to sort out. Her self image, how she sees herself and others. Like I said: A whole lot of things.

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