Well, I have to say that was it, after a somewhat awkward dinner, and the last warm feeling I had was drained (even though she still had a great butt that looked very nice in the undies her new bf got her). It still lurks somewhere deep inside, but at the moment, its not part of my daily life. Where I used to get texts every day, I don’t anymore. And that’s fine, even though I find myself looking at my phone every now and then. She turned off her real phone and turned on the Google voice number. I don’t remember that one, nor do I need to. The hours are a bit empty since I am not venturing outside, and don’t have new ‘friends’ either. So, taking it easy and going to the gym more often. I am a bit confused, as if my brain is trying to process what happened in the past couple of years and whether I should be feeling nostalgic or regretful.I have been in this spot before, after I ended things with other that I cared about.Just feel in a daze, of sorts.
Regretful because I didn’t treat her too good on a couple of occasions, but also regretful because I let this situation run after its expiration date. I usually don’t do that but in this case I showed a lot of weakness that I haven’t seen in myself in a very long time. I hate it when people tear up, that much I know. I feel that in public one ought to be composed as much as possible. In your private time, go right ahead..I told her she needs to find someone single, and someone her age…
One thing I DO regret: Not hanging out more in Bushwick. It’s the new edgy part of New York, I feel. Manhattan is certainly not, anymore! It’s too shiny. What I wanted to do is walk around like we did one Sunday and just walk into a bar or low key restaurant we never heard of and try it out. That what I used to do in college breaks in Manhattan, and to a lesser extent in the Bronx back in the day. Want to repeat that. One thing I haven’t seen in Bushwick is off-off Broadway type of little theaters or playhouses that I used to love going to when I was younger. If anyone knows of any places like that, please let me know. Anyway, I digress.
By the way, I am listening to Velvet Underground right now, a band I always loved. Have I ever mentioned that? Great for setting the mood when doing blogs late at night, alone, in my study.
Conclusion: no more regrets, it is what it is. I will let y’all know if I conclude I regret the whole thing. I won’t have to deal with her mercurial personality any more though, which is good.