A question for sugar babies about self worth

Why do some sugar babies put a value on themselves based on the allowance amount they get?
I am not a feminist (not a woman you see…) but isn’t it odd that this day and age, decades after feminism got started, you still see and hear women assigning themselves a value based on the amount of $$ a random dude hands over to them. Does that make sense, smart sugar babies?

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30 Responses to A question for sugar babies about self worth

  1. duh? says:

    you’re kidding me right? I’m not a SB and never have been but I am a woman and I’m a very observant person . so I think I can answer this question that seems really obvious to me. don’t you think there is a huge difference between a street hooker that is charging 10 to 40 dollars to escorts that charge thousands of dollars? although they are both having sex for money the hookers that stand on the corner and accept whatever the trick throws at them for pay seems more cheap and trashy doesn’t it? a high end executive job with high pay compared to a low pay fast food job. which seems better and which job would people prefer? more pay seems like you’re worth it and appreciated. if someone offered me a dollar for sex I would be offended but 1,000 or more I would still be offended but secretly flattered at the same time.

    • duh? says:

      I forgot about that “feminism” thing you put in that statement. I really cannot stand when men do that. feminism only means equal pay and equal rights. the right to not be discriminated just because we have a vagina. it does not mean women want to be treated like men, it does not mean we stop enjoying money, it does not mean we don’t want to be treated like a queen or princess. feminist still want to be treated like women with respect, love and compassion. we still want to be sexy and we enjoy sex and once in awhile like to dress or act slutty. not everyone is on the slutty part but some are. don’t lump all feminist together because they all don’t speak for all women. many of them are crazy.

  2. Down boy, duh: If someone can get $2K instead of 40 bucks for a date more power to them. What I am referring to is the fact that so many of these SBs drool over an allowance and let themselves be defined by it. Now tell me: do you think this is empowering to women? I hope my daughter doesn’t do that. We all like money but…

    • duh? says:

      you’re hypocrisy amazes me. you were in the business of SB/SD lifestyle for many years and now all of a sudden you have a problem with it? you’re also an intelligent man so you must understand that money means power and success in our society. why do you think these SB do this in the firs place? for the MONEY!! so yeah of course they’re going to drool over it while you’re dangling the money in front of them. also a lot of the SBs, prostitutes, strippers, porn stars would more likely have low self-esteem so it’s not really shocking or surprising that many of them define their self worth by money. I’ve also heard many women in these types of scenarios like strippers and porn stars that they feel empowered. they feel they’re in control. since obviously they have what pervy horny men want and many of those men will do anything for it. some feel degraded some feel empowered by it. depends on a lot of things. feminism has absolutely nothing to do with this. it has to do with the mentality of that individual.

  3. C says:

    Well, a question for you. What kind of value do you put on a sugar baby? Would you be willing to give one a higher allowance than another? If so, please explain the nuances.

    • Interesting question…She drives everything: if she doesn’t value herself, then its hard for others to value her..
      That being said, I would tend to value more someone who is down to earth, smart and had a good head on their shoulders. I would find myself attracted to that type more. But if I find someone who feels she deserves it all and I am lucky to be in her presence, I would tend to treat a person like that, shall we say, not too respectfully.

      • duh? says:

        you make no sense. if you were truly looking for someone that “valued” herself then the whole SD/SB lifestyle probably wouldn’t be the way to go.

  4. DowntownLASD says:

    The SB I had from 2009-2012 received $1,000 a month from me, never more. Had I been wealthier, I would happily have given her more, but she drove the process. I made an offer, and she accepted without countering. That was her statement of worth to me. Even though I told her, as I was thanking her for being my SB, that she could easily get three times what I gave her, I believe that, at her tender age, she wasn’t fully aware of her value.

  5. C says:

    @ Sugar Daddy David- Do you mean say that if a woman doesn’t put a high “monetary” value on herself then it’s hard for others to value her? What if you had a young woman who wanted to be with you because she genuinely likes you? Maybe because she enjoys the intimacy with you. What if she is just happy to have you in her life? What if she doesn’t expect you to pay her at all. Would you think of her as someone with low self-esteem who doesn’t value herself? If you knew that she was going through financial woes, would you help her even if she never asked? How would you value your relationship with her?

    • duh? says:

      those are great questions. reminds of douchebags that think females “giving it up” on the first date are sluts and they lose all respect for them. that really chaps my ass. a neighbors teenage said even said that to me when he talked about a female he really liked, they had sex and then he didn’t like her after that. I told him if she is a slut then what does that make him? also, I told him maybe she really liked you and that is why she had sex with you and also females get horny too. if he really respected her he wouldn’t have had sex with her since he was the one that made the first move.

      david makes no sense at all. he questions why women put monetary value on themselves but he is actually the one doing it. judging women and deciding who’s worth spending money on and how they should spend it.

      • True, I used to be the enabler…but now that I look back at some of the folks I met, let me just say that they only decided to value themselves in monetary terms, ignoring all else. Funnily enough, if they had showed their full personality they would have gotten more $$. Its a nuanced concept, duh. Maybe its a man thing?

    • First of all, I don’t mean that, C.
      Now to your questions: If I had a young lady who wanted to be with me because she genuinely likes me, that would be a very good thing. That’s what I prefer actually. If she enjoyed intimacy with me, and I with her, that would also be a great thing. If she was happy for me to be in her life I would welcome that. I wouldn’t care about the money and would help her out as much as I could. I would value that relationship a whole lot, more than anything, almost. Just because she didn’t ask for money I would not think she mis-valued herself.

    • I would really cherish that type of relationship with her, as I have had similar ones that I’ve had in the past. And if she had financial troubles I would help her indeed.

  6. C says:

    When I was younger, sugar daddy types used to flock to me. I was always receiving offers and gifts. I was too innocent and naive to realize my youth was my commodity. Or I used to think that these men had no value for themselves and would try to compensate for a lack of confidence. As if I wouldn’t have liked them if they would’ve taken the time to get to know me and vice versa. I never took advantage of men like this. I would keep the gifts, send a thank you note and then still expect them to pursue me. But it seemed that many of them took that as a sign of rejection, then they’d move on. As if they never really had a chance. As if that was the only way they would try to get me to sleep with them. Don’t get me wrong, I like generous men. It’s not like I prefer a loser who doesn’t have anything to absolutely offer but does the fact that I didn’t put a high monetary value on myself mean that I didn’t value myself? @ Sugar Daddy David, what do you think?

    • DowntownLASD says:

      In the sugar world, it generally doesn’t work without the monetary incentive. In other words, the SB would usually never be with the SD unless the arrangement were sufficient. Most intelligent SDs realize this, and those who think they can skate by on their charm or sexual prowess alone are kidding themselves — unless, of course, they find SBs who are actually not looking for a SD, but a rich “boyfriend.” I am certain that the SB I was with for 3 years chose me because I was respectful and not demanding, and as we got to know each other, the money became less important than the relationship we’d created. But she could have had more $$ if she’d asked for it. And had I had it, I would have given it to her.

    • Let me guess your age: 31. he he…
      I cant speak for the men you met in the past. Maybe indeed they had low self esteem. If they were in sugar, its reasonable that they would think you only wanted them for money and nothing else. So they figured they never had the chance, them being older and you being a young 25 year old. Different dynamics happen in sugar dating than regular dating. The fact that you didn’t attach a dollar value to yourself, just mean that you would have liked to have a regular relationship with those men. Too bad they didn’t realize that.
      Many years ago I met someone like you. Someone who wanted to have a regular relationship/friendship, and the money was just an aside.

  7. C says:

    @ Sugar Daddy David and DowntownLASD- Have you guys ever felt any resentment towards your sugar babies? Have you guys ever wondered what it would be like if you didn’t have to pay for their affections? Have you guys ever secretly yearned for that?

  8. The intent of this post was to highlight the fact that I noticed many SBs (especially those on facebook) drooling, hoping, praying they get thousands per month. They seem to define themselves by allowance money only. Look: we all like money. The more the better, right? But just the way those women seem to value themselves ONLY in monetary terms, ignoring any other aspects, seemed weird to me.

    • duh? says:

      why do you care so much about money yourself? your doing the same thing that you accuse SBs of doing. in fact you do it not only with money but with sex. isn’t the point of SB/SD dating is money and sex? SBs want the money and SDs want the sex. what other aspects is there in those type of relationships? I really don’t get you and you come off as very judgmental.

      • G says:

        I completely agree with you, duh. SD David, would you continue to see an SB if the sex stopped? Isn’t that your marriage anyways? Why would you want another woman you like but doesn’t have sex with you? Wouldn’t you drool for great sex with a sexy woman? What does that say about your self value? Do we need to look down on you because of it now? Same thing with us SBs. If we wanted a relationship with an awesome guy with awesome sex, we don’t need to sugar date lol.

        • G says:

          Although duh… the other aspects of these relationships is respect, friendship, affection and all those sentiments. But they are of course secondary. If you have all that and no money, the girls won’t stay. If you have all that and no sex, the men won’t stay. Period.

  9. C says:

    Thanks for making that clear. I really wasn’t sure exactly what you meant but I do understand that the question was intended for sugarbabies. I really just wanted to ask you a few questions myself. And well honestly, how else would you expect a sugar baby to value herself if it isn’t for monetary value. Isn’t that the point? Remember, there wouldn’t be any sugar babies without sugar daddies.

  10. C says:

    @Sugar Daddy David- some of your earlier replies to my questions can in late. Anyway, I’m not here to judge you. I just wanted to understand it really. And you’re quite close, I’m 32. Good guessing lol

  11. Ginger Daddy says:

    Placing a monetary value on intimacy is a tricky proposition. That’s not to say people don’t do it. Prostitutes charge by the hour and type of service. Arrangements are typically divided up into monthly stipends. I myself almost always offer as much as I can afford per month. This has worked out well because young women I’ve found generally don’t want to negotiate. It is an awkward conversation to have. But I’ve gotten good results throwing out a flat number and most take it or leave it. Most find the upfront nature of the offer refreshing.

    Thing is, the right gal is worth as much as I can possibly afford. Her company and affections are in truth priceless to me. And as I earn more, I would/will give more willingly.

  12. Autumn says:

    Interesting topic to stumble upon. Sugar daddy David the majority of sb are out there for one thing. in my experience dating sd’s I find some put a value on them because of how they look and second their personality. If a woman is receiving low offers, especially lower than what she anticipated I am sure it is going to hit her self esteem. If a SB is getting 5k or more a month she is going to feel pretty damn awesome. But a sb who is also a woman will brush it off. A low offer may come from a man who is truly interested but can’t afford more. That is not a reflection on us. I was once offered 5k a month plus a 2k housing allowance. I turned it down. I didn’t feel he respected me or was looking for what I was looking for. A truly beneficial long term satisfying relationship comes when a man understands a woman’s worth and would not even think of offering less and his max. Right there a woman’s self worth is lifted because he genuinely likes her. I eventually settled with an amazing man for 4k a month. He truly adores the time we spend together and so do I. I have never felt diminished self worth from a low offer but I did feel it when a man presented a offer and then stated he booked a room down the street. What makes this different than an escort service is that two people who actually get what this is about will escape woth each other and have an exciting time then go about their regular life waiting for the next adventure. I know their are resorts on many of he sites some men are looking for that but some aren’t. Take your time SB and trust your instincts. If you want to be treated amazing and respectfully he is out there. Don’t just jump at the first offer thinking “this is how it goes” Money isn’t my panty dropper.

  13. G says:

    Interesting topic. Felt like I had to put in my 50 cents.
    So here goes….

    a) You don’t have to be a woman to be a feminist. Feminism is a concept and different people make their own interpretations of it (just like God). In it’s simplest meaning, it’s just about equality for women. Though it started decades ago, we still live in an era where people are trying to adjust to the change in terms of traditional gender roles. Duh? explains it right in his/her (?) first response.

    b) Sugar dating is tricky where the genuine SBs and SDs like the traditional ways of women and men taking care of each other but neither want to be treated like a prostitute or atm machine. I guess not putting a society accepted good label on it like marriage makes it hard to draw the line of what’s respectable or not in sugar dating.

    c) As for SBs putting a self worth/ value on themselves, this varies on the individual too. Some would define it in monetary terms, others by the way we are treated. Drooling over money isn’t an argument coz we all do that in life. How many of us suck up and do things we don’t like in a job just because we need the money? Drawing the line between what we want to do, what we can compromise on and what we absolutely won’t do… that’s for everybody to take time to think about for themselves.

    Personally sugar dating to me is 50% dating (where I will date only a man I like) and 50% career/ financial needs (duh.. that’s why I’m on a sugar site). I will not date a man who would give me lots of money and treat me like trash (my self worth and respect won’t allow it) nor will I date a man who treats me like a queen but can’t help me financially (Hello? We met on a sugar site. Get with the program!). It’s the balance between the 2 that I want. (Yes I’m picky… makes it hard, but after months of filtering, I finally found him :) )

  14. Vivi says:

    I think a lot of women make this mistake, regardless of if they pursue a traditional relationship or are out “sugaring”… hell I’ve even seen this in the regular job market when my female colleges didn’t consider negotiating for higher starting salaries. I think it comes from assuming the price negotiated is solely about them and their perceived value, and are not taking into account things like their SD/date/whatever’s income and previous financial obligations. People’s cost of living tends to go up as they make more money, and if a person wants to make payments on their two houses and save for his (or her) children’s college, it means they aren’t going to have as much disposable income.

    Feminist movement or no, we still live in an era where women are judged a lot based on looks and so called sex appeal, and unfortunately that leaks over. Madonna gets constant criticism, saying that she is too old and should retire. Plus size models are hounded on about how they promote unhealthy lifestyles. Oversized women are more likely to be convicted of a crime, regardless of evidence. By the age of four, children learn to have a bias against obesity. Unfortunately that bleeds into the lives of people reading about this stuff and creates a false equivalency between appearance and worth. Right or wrong, our society teaches girls to value themselves for beauty and to place worth in that. Women’s magazines and books are generally quite awful about perpetuating that idea because fitness, weight loss, and beauty products are billion dollar industries.

    Not getting paid what you think you’re worth is always going to be a blow to your self confidence, regardless of the profession. The articles out there on the subject always throw out really high numbers so I think that is what everyone expects, but the truth of the matter is if one can find other benefits to their arrangement it will likely be much more enjoyable for those involved.

    P.S. Duh, feminism isn’t just about equal pay for work. It is about fighting for women’s rights to choose to do what they want without ridicule so I don’t know why you’re being so hard on this lifestyle. You should know that by making prostitution illegal, it simultaneously increased the number of prostitutes and decreased their ability to fight for better conditions, thus strengthening pimps and organized crime rings without protecting the women. Regardless of your opinion on this topic, if you want to fight for feminism, you could start by treating the women in this field with respect, and not comparing them to streetwalkers. If a SD/SB relationship only consists of the wham bam thank you ma’ams, I don’t think they’re really doing it right.

  15. aria says:

    -The intent of this post was to highlight the fact that I noticed many SBs (especially those on facebook) drooling, hoping, praying they get thousands per month.
    ***** how much frakking money do you have????? Thousands is A LOT of money, SPECIALLY, if you hardly have any?
    -They seem to define themselves by allowance money only.
    ***** Emphasis on SEEM. FB is not the real world. SBs are women, as in multifaceted (daughters, students, mothers, professionals, etc) and some are just SBs, which brings me to…
    Look: we all like money. The more the better, right? But just the way those women seem to value themselves ONLY in monetary terms, ignoring any other aspects, seemed weird to me.
    ***** ever hung out with just about anyone in the business world? So many are all about closing the deal and making as much money as possible. Many people equate their pay to their self worth. Why shouldn’t SBs? *******
    I think you also need to remember that, even though it’s fun, this is a business for most of us. So yes, closing the deal on a fat allowance is every SBs dream come true.
    Also,
    fem·i·nist- ˈfemənəst/noun 1. a person who supports feminism.
    I think this SD detox thing is messing with your mind.

    • ” this is a business for most of us” Arghh, I wish you never typed that sentence. I have spent a lot of time, blogs and also interviews in explaining why sugar babies are not doing this as a profession (as an escort might)… You just made all this even more difficult

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