Someone asked

Why did you try sugar baby relationships instead of just old fashioned affairs?  Great question. Well, originally, as posted elsewhere on this blog, I fell into the whole sugar dating by luck, when a lady I was seeing long time ago asked me to help her out with a rent payment because she was running into some really bad times in her life. As a friend, I helped her out, but an interesting dynamic was created.  I felt relly bad for her and the trouble she was going through so I felt compassion and helped her for some time. At first it really felt strange, to just give money to someone I was dating. Remember I was a sugar virgin before that.  But after a while I became accustomed to the idea and what it represented.  I always believe that money gives the control to the owner and the giver of it. Period.  Think about it. Your boss at work controls you, to a certain extent, he/she pays you.  I thought that by adding the monetary picture, I could retain some control of the situation and more importantly, control my emotions. Those used to run pretty wild when I was a youngster, so I figured that sugar may remove some of that. After all, who wants their emotions drained by relationships.  We need emotions and the energy they carry for other realms of our lives such as trading lol.

I always thought about money in terms of what it can do or can’t do for us.  It ‘buys’ a lot of things.  For a while then, this approach worked like a charm.  However, being human, I couldn’t help but to develop feelings for those I was seeing.  So then, I ended up paying for an emotional relationship.  It’s like renting a friend.  Now that doesn’t sound like a good trade does it?  So I ended it, in those cases. Perhaps I shouldn’t have, but once heavy emotions start getting involved on either side, there is to much room to be taken advantage of,  in the sugar lifestyle. Imagine this: a man falls for this lady and she does not reciprocate. But at the same time she decides to take advantage of someone’s weakness and asks for more and more all the time.  And the SD, because he has fallen for her gives more and more in hopes of getting something more tangible out of this relationship.  Not a good trade.

So why did I keep sugaring? It was fun. But as mentioned earlier, money buys  a lot of things, but there are also many important things in life it just can’t buy.  Like what happens if you meet this great lady who does not get impressed by any of it. Then your sugar means nuttin!! And that is such a liberating feeling sometimes. It’s been a while.


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4 Responses to Someone asked

  1. L'enfant terrible says:

    In my view, essentially, power is both the ownership of valuable resources and the capability to acquire and protect them. But what constitute valuable resources differs between cultures and subcultures. In order for money to carry any form of power there need to be stable social environment that respects individual ownership, i.e basic prerequisites for trade. Furthermore, money has to be the primary tool for trade.

    Russian economy during Soviet years was based on barter, both on the micro and the private level. Although money was used, they were essentially a tool for keeping score of who owed who, since the real currency was the exchange of favors. In that society contacts and one’s ability to network was constitution of power.

    In stable undeveloped economies practical skills like hunting, traditional masculine craftsmanship (e.g building a house) and capability of enduring hard manual labor in general are the prerequisites for acquiring valuable resources. Therefor the practical abilities and competence that a man possesses is the pillar of his power.

    In unstable economies and subcultures where resources are very scarce and social contract is broken raw physical strength, violence and skillful infliction of dominance trough violence (in other words being a good warrior) are the trademarks of power. I could go on but you get the point.

    In stable developed economies money is the most convenient tool for enforcing ones power. Therefor we often mistake money for actual power, forgetting that it’s just a tool, one among many others. For someone who grew up in a different culture (or subculture) it’s easy to be unimpressed by money. It’s not the person isn’t intimidated by power, we all are. It just that you speak a cultural language that s(he) doesn’t understand.

    I believe that in order to possess power in a relationship, romantic or otherwise, one needs first to understand the cultural background of the opponent and what constitutes power within it. And then you have to translate the essence of your power and social status that comes with it in the language of his or her culture.

  2. Geez, L’enfant: thanks for the PhD Thesis here. We will discuss this in a bar in Denmark, over some Carlsberg beer ok? I really LOVE the last paragraph and agree entirely with it.

    • L'enfant terrible says:

      I’m sure you are a great conversationalist but if I ever succeed in luring you over the pond, the last thing I would want to do with you is talk… 😉

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