One thing that many sugar babies need to learn, if there are to pursue a ‘career’ in this lifestyle and also maximize their returns is to know how to ask for sugar. I am only half joking about the ‘career’ thing. Many women do this for some solid financial reasons i.e. to get out of debt, pay for school etc. These are great reasons and of course, financially more legitimate than shoes or bags. I do agree that shoes look very nice on, but don’t get me started on this, ok?
There are a few personality traits that may hold back the SB from asking for what she feels she deserves.
1. Shyness: Perhaps she is naturally shy and just doesn’t feel comfortable asking a total stranger for money or an allowance. I fully understand this, but also bear in mind that the two of you are in this lifestyle for a reason. The sugar daddy expects you, at some point, to ask for something. So go ahead and do it.
2. Gold Digging: Many that I have met have a strong sense of pride by the way they were brought up at home, and at first think ‘I don’t want a man to pay my rent or my bills’. And the answer to this is ‘Well, then you are barking up the wrong tree’. In my opinion it is only considered gold digging if the guy doesn’t realize it is. But, again, we are all in this lifestyle for a reason therefore it is not a bad thing to ask us. The worse that will happen is that we will say no. But if you don’t ask you will certainly not get. Not in the sugar life, nor in real life. Think about it: you even have to ask Santa Claus for a gift. So much more then, in sugar life.
3. Lack of practise: Maybe the lady is not used to asking. So of course she doesn’t know how, especially in what may seem and awkward first or second date with her sugar daddy. Practise at home with the words, until they become second nature. Think of this as if you are acting for a part in a movie about mutually beneficial relationships.
Here is some basic advise:
1. Ask for the gifts or the allowance in person, or at the most via email. Not through text, as text is too short for something as nuanced as talking about the aspects of a mutually beneficial relationship. Even email is not good for this. It is better to do in person, this way you can see each other’s reactions and gage better how to proceed. You can also tell if someone is lying or is uncomfortable. If they are too uncomfortable, the perhaps you should move on.
2. Bring it up after chemistry is established, but early enough in the relationship. First you need to have chemistry with the person you will be spending 3 dates a month. If it is there, then don’t wait too long to bring it up. A second or third date at most is appropriate. I would even say the second date should be the max. If he is experienced he will bring it up himself. He may even lead with a question about whether you have had similar relations in the past and how did that work for you. Or, you may ask him exactly the same thing. This way, it is not an awkward question, and can flow naturally into the allowance discussion.
3. Don’t be taken advantage of. If nothing has happened by the third date move on. This also goes for sugar daddies. If it seems that the sugar baby is stringing you along, she probably is and it is a red flag for a scammer. Get out of there, fast!
A while back, I met the world’s worse sugar baby. She said that it wouldn’t feel right to ask. But I liked her a lot and wanted to help her. So I stuffed a bunch of cash in her hand with the lame excuse of ‘Can you please hold this, I don’t feel comfortable walking around with all this cash in New York City’.
And remember, this is not a real relationship, but an experience in the ‘grey’ area of relationships. It is enough of a relationship, but not too much as it is NSA. It is a bit of a transaction but not too much either, otherwise the whole thing becomes totally meaningless.
In the words of one of my all time favorite sugar babies, Malone, ‘Davey, you are a nice guy and I like you. But the allowance reminds me it is not personal’. Out of the mouths of babes. She is a lawyer. The world’s 2nd oldest profession…