An old friend asked me to blog about 3 somes. Ugh, where to start? From a recent blow up? Sure, ok.
I bring up this idea with recent SB’s quite often. Not sure why, but I guess because it had been a few years since my last one, I wanted to see if I still had it. The answer is no I don’t and I blame Mr. Malbec (with its soft tannins and dense color) for it.
In any event, I was hanging out with a ‘friend’ recently who I knew had previous experiences in orgies, 3 somes and the like. I also knew another ‘friend’ that would be up for anything after a few glasses of wine. Therefore, why not bring those two talented ladies together, and myself in the middle to complete the picture. Previous recent attempts via email and text to other old friends had led to total rejection and cursing at me, so these two where indeed the last 2 straws left in my immediate and semi-permanent circle of ‘friends’. So we decided to meet at a nice off the main street, discreet french brunch place on a Saturday morning so the ladies can get better acquainted in a non threatening environment. One was chatty as hell possibly due to the fact that she was drunk from the night before, the other one was a bit more reserved at first but I knew we could straighten her out. During the conversation she got a call and had to excuse herself and go outside and take it. Obviously must have been from the ex boyfriend, so I was sitting with the other friend just staring out the window. In the meantime the young waiter that was serving us was throwing glances toward our table, thinking what is this ‘old’ guy doing with 2 20 year old’s. Well, the answer is, us ‘old’ guys get around, OK?
She came back and I commented about all this attention she was getting on that particular sunny morning and she said ‘So that’s how you make an older man jealous’. I laughed at the silliness. Anyway, I turned around and the other young gal was not wearing any underwear under her shorts. Good Lord, could she make this whole thing more obvious? And we were at a neighborhood place with nice people around us.
I sensed the ladies where not drunk enough and the chemistry was 50/50 so I suggested we go someplace else for more drinks and we found this nice wine bar.
That’s where things started going downhill. After one more glass they were getting friendlier with each other, and somewhat touchy feely. And, I was starting to down the Malbecs, one of my favorite wines, and getting more and more buzzed.
What shall we do now I ask? ‘Hotel, motel’ the friend sings out loud. I shoved them in a passing taxi and off we went. It didn’t take long after she put some trashy hood music on for background for everyone to get undressed and one the friends going down on the other, offering one of the greatest views on earth. And that is precisely why I like 3 somes: so I can see the ladies going at it. And I was offered a lesson on how to perform the perfect oral on a woman by another woman ‘Oh David, its so much better when a woman fingers me, her fingers are smaller than a man’s so they feel better’ says the friend’ Ok, noted. But moving on, I asked for a favor and that was delivered promptly. I guess that this favor (he he he), combined with the view and the effect of the 8 glasses of wine led me to a state of near unconsciousness. So the action was enjoyed more by the ladies than myself. And to top that, I had to leave as it was getting late. Where did all the time go? Hours had passed and not much had happened that involved me, at least not to my satisfaction. And that’s why it was a crappy 3 some. Not the first one and I am sure not the last, but crappy none the less.
Note to self: next time, make sure not to drink as much, and also make sure the ladies are more interested in me rather than each other. And if not, take over before it gets out of hand. Ok duffus?
One the way out we walked out separately. One of the friends said ‘Davey, I know I didn’t fuck you today, but you will hook me up, right Davey, cuz I am totally broke. Ok Davey?’ ‘Fine, whatever, here you go, Happy Hanukkah’.
So I went home with a serious case of the blue balls that lingered on for days. And then I did what any reasonable man would do in my position. I went on a rampage and fucked 5 different people over the next 10 days. Why 5? I had promised myself I would do just 4, but then I did one more for good measure. And then I went back to being my usual relaxed self once again rather than that the wild and wounded beast.
Addendum: I have decided that in my next threesome I will wear a mask: Preferably a dead president, like Nixon or Reagan perhaps. Definitely a Republican. They seem naughtier.